Hello from the Hills.

[Spud]

Hello there from the Hills. We're mainly here because of the man I share a common law marriage with, if you could call either one which they are. I come home and I found him (if you could call him that) on the $49 kindle fire my lovely sister got us for anniversary. He (if you could call him this) was hiding in the barn among the Dave's. He was looking at the dirtiest movies! My I just couldn't believe it, so I called my mom to get her opinion. She said I should leave him. But my he she gay friend convinced me to give him (if he can be called) a second chance and try common law marriage counseling with the Mennonite man three farms over. I hope to hear from you soon.

[TJC44]

I didn't know you could get dirty movies on a Fire.
You should bring the Fire to the Mennonite man to show him what he's been doing.

[Arklatex]

Howdy from east Texas. My cousins wife's best friend caught her man doing the same thing, out here in the east Texas piney woods that behavior is known as "barnwhakkin". It's real easy to fix. What you do is wait till you know he's gonna go out yonder to the ole barn for some 'whakkin. Bring you a cast iron skillet and a wood spoon. Sneak up on em real quiet like a ninja and wait. Just when he about to go a waistin his seed like a sinner jump him from behind! Put that skillet under his pecker and give it a good solid whack from the top with the ole spoon. That'll fix em in a hurry!

Don't forget to take the Kindle away. Them things is of the debil!!!

[Baglady]

And the fun begins...:shocked:

[Reptilicus]

Are you kidding me, And you have a sister too!!!!!! WOW!!!! Oh yeah welcomefrom the Great State of TEXAS!!!!:confederate:




So Much Porn, So Little Time!!!:hotchick:

[Slippy]

Welcome Spudster! I have no response. Thanks

[Inor]

Just so ya'll know... I take NO RESPONSIBILITY for any of this!!! :biglaugh:

[fred.garvin]

Hello there from the Hills. We're mainly here because of the man I share a common law marriage with, if you could call either one which they are. I come home and I found him (if you could call him that) on the $49 kindle fire my lovely sister got us for anniversary. He (if you could call him this) was hiding in the barn among the Dave's. He was looking at the dirtiest movies! My I just couldn't believe it, so I called my mom to get her opinion. She said I should leave him. But my he she gay friend convinced me to give him (if he can be called) a second chance and try common law marriage counseling with the Mennonite man three farms over. I hope to hear from you soon.

Obviously this is a fake Spud (not her real name). The real Spud and I were married properly by a Bishop. He showed us his papers from the "Church of the Unification of Things". He was even certified by Rolling Stone magazine. His name is Bishop Terry (not his real name).

I don't know what a "kindle fire" is, but we did have a big bonfire out behind the shed tonight. I lit up a couple of tires and we roasted hot dogs and marshmallows and made s'mores. Dave (one of the small gray ones, not the big orange one) got really angry with the fire and attacked it. He caught on fire, but thankfully we were able to put him out with a shovel.

After the bonfire we went into the house for a family favorite of these gatherings: home movies! Tonight the star of the show was Spud's (not her real name) half blind brother-in-law Benji (not his real name) who is a trucker. He got his trucker license by having his twin half-brother Bruno (not his real name) take the test for him because he always wanted to drive a semi. Benji (not his real name) always wanted to compete in the national trucker olympics but only having vision in his left eye and running over every pylon and baby carriage on the right made that impossible. So we set up a course focused on Benji's (not his real name) strong points, namely left turns. It looked a lot like a NASCAR course. Benji loved it though.

After the family festivities, Spud (not her real name) was more than a little impressed with me and more than a little amorous. She asked me if I wanted a "waxy job".... Of course I said "yes", at which point she slammed two bricks together on my Johnson and the wax flew out of my ears!

[Mister Mills]

And here I thought that I could be periphrastic and vague. You use circumlocution in the way that it was meant to be used. I was inspired by you to get a new motto, and here it is. I will bet that you haven't seen the word heuristic enough times in your life, so there, I used it!
I will admit that I have looked that word up about 6 or 7 times now, and I still can't use it in a sentence. But, hope never dies!
1787
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/exploringourmatrix/2010/05/will-lost-end-in-a-coherent-and-satisfying-way.html

[MI.oldguy]

Hey Fred,y'all shouldn't be cookin them thar weenies over the darn tires!.I was readin somewhere(caint re-member whar)but,its supposed ta cause some kinda cancer.
Just wanta tellya,y'all dont be wantin no three eyed kids do ya?.

:fishwack: