Attempt at Inor bread

[Inor]

As I mentioned in another thread, I am going to have Mrs Inor teach me to make bread. I have no idea what I am doing. But Mrs Inor has not let me in HER kitchen in about 20 years since the kids and I tried (unsuccessfully) to bake cookies for her one Mother's Day. She was literally cleaning up after that disaster for over 2 months! But this time it will be different. (I already promised.)

So, this evening's task is just to grinder up the flour. Tomorrow or Friday I will actually take my shot at the moon.



Play on the Tractor all day (digging trenches for water lines) and grindering wheat all evening... God I LOVE Coronacation!

[TJC44]

"Old McInor had a Farm,
E-I-E-I-OO!
And on that farm he had some cows,
E-I-E-I-O!

Old McInor had a Farm,
E-I-E-I-OO!
And on that farm he had some goats,
E-I-E-I-O!"

[Innkeeper]

Good to see your using your time wisely looking forward to hear about and see your journey.

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[Dwight55]

Take it from one who has been there . . . done that . . .

Want to get in good with Mama, . . . get kitchen privileges, . . .

Start out with something basic that is really hard to mess up . . . soup . . . chili . . . and ease up to something like pies or cakes. All of these are dumb stupid easy to conjure up, . . . at least to the edible plateau . . .

Once you have mastered a couple, . . . make the offer to supply "XYZ" for Saturday dinner since she will have shopped all morning and would like to be pampered with lunch on the table when she drags the loot and booty in.

Worked like a champ. Kitchen is mine any time I want it . . . and if I want to experiment . . . sometimes help comes along.

Downside??? As master pie maker . . . I get all the requests . . . same for chili . . . beef veggie soup . . . and I am THE grill person.

May God bless,
Dwight

PS: Bread is also dumb stupid easy to make . . . provided you have a kitchen aid mixer to do the kneading . . . lots of recipes out there for "easy" bread. Most important part of the whole thing is whether you use yeast (careful not to kill it with water too hot . . . use a thermometer until you "get a feel for it" . . . or you use a sourdough starter . . . which is more complicated but makes a good loaf of bread.

[BucketBack]

My Uncle Tom McDonald had a farm / stables / motel in Kentucky.

We sang that song a lot, he was not much of a fan of it.

[Inor]

So.... I made the bread 2 nights ago and I have to say, I am pretty happy with how it turned out.

Now about the adventure of how I got there...

I found the instructions on the Interwebs and it was not real clear on what order or exactly how your supposed to do each step. So I improvised as best I could. It said to mix some water and honey and yeast first. I carefully measured out the water and put it in a bowl.

We have a bunch of half-gallon jugs of honey in our bunker, so I took one of those to use for the honey. The problem was, the honey was a bit old and all the honey had crystalized in the jug. That stuff was harder than bullets! I asked Mrs Inor what to do and she said to just heat it up and it would return to liquid form. Since the jug the honey came in was too tall to fit in the microwave, I put it in the dishwasher and turned it to the pots and pans cycle. That worked like a champ, but Mrs Inor was less than thrilled when she found out what I had done. Regardless, I carefully measured out the honey, plus gave it a few extra squirts just to be safe.

Measuring the yeast, the instructions called for 11 grams of yeast. I am not sure how much that is in American so I just added 2 of the yeast packets I found in the cupboard. After I added the yeast, I discovered the yeast packets said each one contained 21 grams. But I figured what the hell... 42 grams is not THAT much more than 11 grams.

Next, the instructions said to mix 7 cups of flour with some salt in a large bowl. So, I put 7 cups of flour and the appropriate amount of salt into Mrs Inor's KitchenAid mixer. That did not work well at all. As soon as I turned it on, the flour exploded all over the kitchen. since I had no way to measure how much flour escaped, I just went with what remained for the bread. (That decision would come back to haunt me later.)

I got everything mixed together, carefully following the instructions (except where noted above). The instructions said it should be doughy, but not sticky. Mine was sticky as hell, to the point that I could not pull my hands apart without first running them under warm water. I am pretty sure the dough had formed a vacuum with my hands because there is no way anything a human might consume would be that sticky. I am thinking that was due to the exploding flour. So I added another cup or so of flour. (Actually I am not really sure how much I added because by that point I flying on a wing and a prayer and had given up on measuring.)

So then, the instructions called for it to sit in a large bowl and rise for 20 minutes. So I put it in the biggest bowl we have. (This bowl is big enough to bathe a 5 year old child in!) The dough ball looked ridiculously small sitting in the bottom of this big damn bowl. After about 5 minutes, the dough had done nothing so I retired to my garage to smoke part of a stogie and listen to the radio. When I came in about 15 or 20 minutes later, the dough had overtaken the big monster bowl I put it in! This damn thing looked like it was not just rising; IT WAS INVADING!!!

The instructions said to "punch it down, then let it rise again". I didn't just punch it, I beat the shit out of it! I then put it back into the monster bowl to rise for another 20 minutes. After decontaminating my hands again, I went back to the garage to finish my stogie. That time, it did not go quite as crazy but it still grew a LOT.

After 20 minutes, the instructions told me to divide it up into thirds and put it into 3 bread pans for a final rise then baking. The problem was, Mrs Inor only had 2 bread pans. So I put the last one in a frying pan... What the hell, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

After baking them, they look pretty retarded. But they taste surprisingly good for bread made from just fresh ground whole wheat. The honey really took off the sharp taste that fresh ground whole wheat usually has. Also, they were much lighter than usual whole wheat bread. So I am calling this one a qualified success.





P.S. When i cut a piece for Mrs Inor to try, she said it tasted good and then she quit talking to me for half a day. She must have forgiven me because she is talking to me now and even laughing about the whole effort.

[Innkeeper]

You know you can put the honey jug into a pan of water on the stove and bring it to a boil to heat it up......just saying.

The bread looked good if strange shaped lol nice work sir.

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[MountainGirl]

Congrats on your first go at breadmaking!
They look pretty good all things considered - and a big thanks for sharing the story of the making! Funny as hell!
The dishwasher? Really?? Couldn't scoop a little honey out to nuke in a dish?? The potential for disaster there is off the chart.
Glad it all worked out. You going to bake more anytime soon?

[Inor]

Congrats on your first go at breadmaking!
They look pretty good all things considered - and a big thanks for sharing the story of the making! Funny as hell!
The dishwasher? Really?? Couldn't scoop a little honey out to nuke in a dish?? The potential for disaster there is off the chart.
Glad it all worked out. You going to bake more anytime soon?

If I could have gotten it out of the bottle, there wouldn't have a problem to begin with!

As far as baking more, it might be another 20 years before Mrs Inor even lets me near her kitchen again!

[Dwight55]

That looks really good, . . . and I'm not a fan of whole wheat bread, . . . even though it is what is usually in the kitchen these days.

It does not go south as quick as does white bread.

But we have kind of gone to the idea that I'll just gin up a stack of bread sticks or she'll make biscuits or cornbread if one of us really gets a hankering for bread.

Only thing I miss with the white bread is my PBJ sammiches.

May God bless,
Dwight