There’s two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says
...
‘You man the guns, I’ll drive’
There’s two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says
...
‘You man the guns, I’ll drive’
“If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen.”
― Samuel Adams
Whats green and red and goes 100mph in a circle..,..,,,
A frog in a blender
A blind man wanders into an all Girls Biker Bar in London, England by mistake.
He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given you are blind, to tell you you're in a girls biker bar and you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously "Mister", do you still wanna tell that joke? "
The blind man thinks for a minute, sighs, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No, it's a good joke but not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
1moretoy (03-07-2014),Montgomery (03-09-2014),RWalls (03-07-2014)
Wanna here a good joke.... Trying to buy .22 ammo! I hope I win it! HAHAHAHA
1moretoy (03-07-2014)
What does a blonde do if she's not in bed by 10 p.m.?
She goes home.
Bubba dies in a fire and his body is pretty badly burned. The morgue sends for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, to identify the body.
Daryl arrives first, and when the mortician pulls back the sheet, Daryl says, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over."
The mortician rolls him over, and Daryl says, "Nope, ain't Bubba."
The mortician thinks this is strange. Then he brings Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer takes a look at the face and says, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."
The mortician rolls him over and Gomer says, "No, it ain't Bubba."
The mortician asks, "How can you tell?"
Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two a**holes."
"What? He had two a**holes?!" exclaims the mortician.
"Yup, every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two a**holes.'"
“A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week.” G.S. Patton
how many alabama freshmen does it take to screw in a light bulb? trick question. thats a sophomore class.
Montgomery (03-10-2014)
It's hard to explain puns to Kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
"Glad you called me, No room for amateurs in this game."
"I coat it with Demon EC, insecticide with environmental conscience. It's biodegradable. Organic. You ought to see the little beasties twitch when they get a whiff of this stuff."
http://theoutdoortradingpost.com/forum.php
Top 10 reasons to get a Gun over getting a Woman
#10 - YOU CAN TRADE AN OLD 44 FOR A NEW 22.
#9 - YOU CAN KEEP ONE HANDGUN AT HOME, AND HAVE ANOTHER FOR WHEN YOU'RE ON THE ROAD.
#8 - IF YOU ADMIRE A FRIEND'S HANDGUN, AND TELL HIM SO, HE WILL PROBABLY LET YOU TRY IT OUT A FEW TIMES.
#7 - YOUR PRIMARY HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU KEEP ANOTHER HANDGUN FOR A BACK UP.
#6 - YOUR HANDGUN WILL STAY WITH YOU EVEN IF YOU RUN OUT OF AMMO.
#5 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T TAKE UP A LOT OF CLOSET SPACE.
#4 - HANDGUNS FUNCTION NORMALLY EVERY DAY OF THE MONTH.
#3 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T ASK, "DO THESE NEW GRIPS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?
#2 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU GO TO SLEEP AFTER YOU USE IT.
And, the number one reason a handgun is favored over a woman...
#1 - YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A HANDGUN !!!